Baywatch - Blu-ray Review

[Michael Scott]

Baywatch

Movie:
Video:
Audio:
Extras:
Final Score: ​

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Movie
It seems that making remakes of cult 80s and 90s TV shows into feature films is all the rage. When 21 Jump Street made a killing, it was natural for a sequel to hit (which actually wasn’t too bad), but with films like CHIPS entering the marketplace you have to wonder if it’s ALWAYS a wise idea to remake some of these shows. 21 Jumps Street was entertaining with its meta humor, and the sequel was pretty funny too. However CHIPS was probably the single worst blockbuster film this year (it barely beat out Transformers: The Last Knight), but Baywatch is going to be giving it a run for it’s money in that department.

You have to wonder who thought it was a smart idea to turn Baywatch the show into a feature film. I mean, it was a show that attained cult status in many a 90s child’s heart, but it was really only popular because of the three B’s. Bros, Bathing suits, and Butts. Don’t you DARE lie to me! The reason you checked in every week was to see David Hasselhoff run around shirtless, or watch Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Yasmine Bleeth or Alexandra Paul run down the beach in slow motion, bouncing along the way. Other than that the show was HORRIBLE from a technical stand point. Don’t get me wrong, I have to guiltily admit to turning the TV on every week and having a grand old time with the 80s cheese, but it has not aged well, and the doing a remake for modern times seems sketchy at best.

Well, if you thought CHIPS was nothing like the original, Baywatch tries TOO hard too be exactly like the original. Once again we’re back to Baywatch beach, and Mitch Buchannon is head lifeguard again. This time he’s played by 80s hunk David Hasselhoff. Instead it’s now the brutishly built Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, and he runs a no nonsense ship. When three spots open up for lifeguard’s, Mitch is looking at some new meat, which included the cute and spunky Summer Quinn (Alexandra Daddario), nerdy and chubby Ronnie (Jon Bass), and then there’s Matt Brody (Zac Efron). Brody is unfortunately mandate by Mitch’s boss due to the guy’s celebrity status as a down and out Olympic gold medalist. Brody is the epitome of a selfish jerk, too involved with his own glory to care about anyone and anything but himself.

Like typical Baywatch fashion, these hunks of man and woman meat are not JUST there to look pretty and save innocent swimmers from drowning (while running in slow motion). They’re also there to solve crimes (yes, yes, I know. It makes the brain hurt). When Mitch and his crew notice that more and more people are washing up with a new drug called Flocca on them, it’s time to start combing the beach for more than just seashells. They’re able to track the drugs back to business entrepreneur, Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra), but they don’t have enough evidence to put her away. Which can only mean one thing. Putting their pretty heads and chiseled abs together to clean up the beach, and save this Popsicle stand before Leeds takes over the entire beach with a giant land grab (wait? Is this Lex Luthor?).

I have to say, I give Director Seth Gordan an A for effort. He really did try his heart out to make this a spoof of the original show. I say spoof due to the fact that show took itself INCREDIBLY seriously at times, coasting off of good looks and bodies in swimsuits, but Baywatch the movie seems to want to poke fun at the ridiculous concept at every turn. People make comments about slow motion hair flips, abs and butt jokes make their way throughout the film, and the entire film just feels incredibly meta. As if the characters are staring at the camera and winking at the audience, letting them know that they’re in on the jokes too. Which is probably why everyone is dumber than a brick in everything they do.

Baywatch sets the tone early on when they start making really bad genitals-caught-in-a-trap jokes and it doesn’t get any better from there. The entire thing is one big joke about genitals, nasty human bodily fluid wisecracks, drinking, and showing off chiseled abs (I’m sorry, but Zac Efron looks like his muscles have muscles that body build. He’s that jacked) to the audience. The only thing missing is a fart joke. We’ve got the fat kid who likes HOTTEST girl on the team, Efron being a complete jerk (which he’s actually really good at), and the Rock once more proving that he’s the single greatest part of every film that he’s in. That being said, there are a few funny moments, especially between The Rock and Efron. The two make a pretty solid team, with The Rock being the usual funny guy, while Efron hams it up as the arrogant jerk. Sadly, they start losing their cohesion when the film takes itself too seriously and Brody (Efron) starts getting serious and emotional. At that point the Rock starts acting like a frat boy and becoming your typical “all muscle, no brains” character to take a laugh at. The cameos of Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson are short, but sweet, but sadly do nothing to further the story in any way (Pamela doesn’t even say a word).




Rating:

Rated R for language throughout, crude sexual content, and graphic nudity




Video:

If the movie did ANYTHING right, it’s that the Blu-ray presentation is nothing short of SPECTACULAR. This is the pinnacle of what Blu-ray can achieve picture wise, and the digital shoot does everything right. The digitally shot film is razor sharp and doesn’t appear to have any of the flaws that a digitally shot film can produce. Clarity is spot on, and black levels deep and inky without any signs of crush or artifacting. The image is never flat or dull, but rather vibrant and full of rich red’s, blues and light sandy tones. Fine details is picture perfect, with the viewer able to pick up every swimsuit line, every tattoo, every bit of sand underneath the fingernails without missing a beat. Chopra’s bright cherry lipstick is distinct and you can actually see the lip creases through it all. Simply put, this is perfect picture.








Audio:

Paramount is once again one of the good guys in the next gen audio formats. No matter if you choose the Blu-ray or the 4K UHD disc, you will get the same incredible Dolby Atmos track. Right off the bat you know you’re in for a treat here. The Atmos track is rabidly aggressive and full of a power, leveling some bass hits that is sure to please fans everywhere. The dialog is well placed and locked up front, and the surrounds are active with all sorts of sounds ranging from the splashing of the water over the sandy beach, to bullets bouncing off metal containers or the roaring of a jet ski across the open waters. The overheads are used extensively throughout, with water swirling around and over the viewer when Brody dives under the fiery boat, or with the heavy thudding of the helicopter rotors overhead. Bass is simply punsihing, and adds some incredible mid and low end to the sound track, but being a comedy, there ARE points where it can get pretty front heavy.





Extras:

• Extended Version of the film
• Theatrical Version of the film
• Meet the Lifeguards
• Continuing the Legacy
• Stunts & Training
• Deleted & Extended Scenes

Final Score: ​

I’m not sure why every TV show to movie adaptation has be a hard R comedy, but it seems like the popularity of doing that with 21 Jump Street is trying to be replicated with EVERY one, but Baywatch is NOT better for it. After a while you get tired of hearing everyone make genital jokes instead of witty banter, and even the meta like nature of the characters winking to the camera just gets old FAST. Is it as bad as CHIPS? Well, not THAT bad, but it’s SUPER close, with The Rock and Efron being the only bright spots in the movie, and even that is barely enough to keep the film from sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Audio and video are STUNNING to watch, and this make for a demo worthy disc on both 4K and regular 1080p Blu-ray. Sadly, the underwhelming film itself, and some mediocre extras leave me still recommending you skip this one if you can.




Technical Specifications:

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Priyanka Chopra, Kelly Rohrbach
Directed by: Seth Gordon
Written by: Damian Shannon, Mark Swift
Aspect Ratio: 2.39.1 AVC
Audio: English: Dolby Atmos (Dolby TrueHD 7.1 Core), French, Spanish, Portuguese, English (DVS) DD 51.
Studio: Paramount
Rated: R
Runtime: 117 Minutes (Theatrical) / 122 Minutes (Extended)
Blu-ray Release Date: August 29th, 2017

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• Michael Scott
• May 11, 2017

Recommendation: Skip It

 

[tripplej]

Thanks for the review. Will skip it.

 

[Asere]

I won't be watching this one.

 

[JBrax]

Nope, just as recommended I'll be skipping.

 

[Todd Anderson]

LOL. "The Three ".

Mike, you crack me up!

 

[Todd Anderson]

Alright... AV scores are pretty high for this one. Dare I say: sounds like it might be worth watching just to enjoy a good system??

 

[Michael Scott]

Alright... AV scores are pretty high for this one. Dare I say: sounds like it might be worth watching just to enjoy a good system??

if you like a stupid comedy, sure. It's not like your mind will be destroyed. It's horrible, but I've seen much worse. It''s a demo disc all the way though. Even on 4K

 

[Michael Scott]

LOL. "The Three ".

Mike, you crack me up!

tell me I'm wrong? tell me the ONLY reason you watched the original show was for the acting?

 

[Asere]

My wife just told me she wants to watch it lol